The holiday was really relaxing. I enjoyed myself.

I start work tomorrow! YAY... That is exciting!

I am ready.

My spirits are much higher than they have been lately. YAY. Thanx to B..

Tonight I watched one of the stupider movies in a while: The Day After Tomorrow. So I didn't really have that high of expectation but, really, come on.

Maybe if the acting was good or maybe the script or lets say the story. Wait or try not being totally predictable.... IT was a big waste of my time. The best part of the movie was when the "scary" wolves came in....
Okay picture this::::

my friend (no names it is too embracing) was sitting next to me on the edge of his seat his elbows on his knees and finger nails being gnawed off (NO JOKE). Then knowing the there are several bad things that are going to happen in this intense moment:::::: A life boat inflates rapidly making lots of noise CAUSING my friend to JUMP completely out of his seat. I laughed so hard my stomach was hurting. I was almost in tears. HA so my advice to you..... "DON'T BOTHER"

I am out.

(trying to make up the lost time)

WOW! Well I got a little ummmmm.... well..... I was gone. I remember it all, BUT I want to publicly say "I am sorry to all that I affected last night". I had fun, but to you who I woke up I whish you were there. And I don't think they will ever stop playing "I miss you". I like the song. But really it is depressing.

My brother is a little loud when he is drunk, but I found out he really thinks I am lucky (or blessed) and that He wants me to be happy.

So last night... It was my brother, Kerry, Jeremy, Darin, Tyson(we missed Olivia), Ryan, Mae, David, and myself. David is my boss and it was his Birthday. IT was good talking to him. We started out at P.F. Changs IT WAS EXCELLENT. Then ended up at Scruffy Murphy's. It was funny because in Downtown Sunnyvale, which is very small, there are two bars that have the name Murphy's. I guess THEY couldn't handle being original.

I don't have anything to do yet. I am waiting for my brother to clean up his mess so I can "move in". I am still not unpacked. I want work to start so I can occupy my mind with that. This weekend is going to be the longest ever.

I am not myself today. I have a headache.

But I am so excited because I decided That I am going to save my money. This is difficult thing when you are anywhere let a lone in California. I am going to save up for something special. YAY!!!

Oh but I whish this headache would go away.

Well, I am in Texas right now. I am using this cool wireless(HotSpot) thing!!! It is fun. I like this computer too. It is my brother's! YAY.........

BUT this shift key is in the wrong place.

so I am just here waiting for my flight. I was bored... I will write later!

!!!!!!Congratulations to All Graduates!!!!!!!

I want to say a special congrats to Fred. I am so proud and I know you are going Great places in your life. I only hope you find the true happiness that you have been looking for. I will be praying for you like always!

To be perfectly honest I am scared to death right now. I saw a lot of my good friends today and none of us are going to be in town at the same time for a long time. My brother is going to be gone most of the time in Cali. I am going to go stir crazy. I will be working so that is good.

I think I am going to do a lot of cooking. I like to cook. But I will also have to do a structures Test when I get back to Manhattan at the end of the summer. So I must be working on that and I think between those two things and Working I should be busy.


Side thought:::::::

The institution of marriage makes sense to me now. It is not out dated. It is a precious and wonderful thing to have and hold the one you love Forever. To know that one person will never stop loving you and will comfort you. That you can always be there for them and share things that are more beautiful than words can express. Yes, Marriage is something that is for the weak to become strong and not for those who cannot handle this unbreakable commitment. I think those that are married can only know peace in what they have.

I am not saying this because I want to get married any time in the near future (that I can see) but it was something that was just clarified in my mind. It is a bond that is not a confinement but say::: a desired devotion.

Well. I am going to be in California in less than 11 hours. I guess I should not hold on to the fact that I want to be in Manhattan, KS. Okay so there is no letting go of that.

Next time I will tell you about my train ride I had yesterday. Goodnight for now!

A lot has happen since the last time I wrote:

*I am done with studio
*Done with all classes except for structures... That is a huge one.
*Packed most my stuff up in my dorm and studio.

Those are the major things at least. I am leaving for St. Charles at some point next week and then flying out to San Jose. I am excited about my job, but I am not thrilled about not having one I love with me. I know I don't want to just walk off and act if as if I am strong.

I am not really strong at all. I have a mush heart... It used to be hard until someone made my heart beat faster.
I like that rapid pace and I don't want it to slow down and get hard again.

Over-all "today" (5/1/04) was good.

I was in Kansas in the morning. Went in to Kansas City (Missouri) to go buy some flowers for my mother. Drove through to St. Charles. Ended up in St. Louis and visited my mother. ... came back to St. Charles to see my cousins and other family. Us girls went to get a movie and then we bought me hair dye... I was looking for BLUE... They wouldn't let me even think about it. They have never done highlights before... so there are chunks in my hair.... I Like it though! it is a wash out kind, but STILL the first time I have every used dye in my hair.

we watched "the Hours"/ I don't know what to say but I fell asleep.

My dad had to go down to the hospital at 1 am (just a little while ago), because my mom called because they wouldn't do what she asked... I don't really know what is happening, but she has a fever and my dad decided to stay there until it goes down.


I am going to get some sleep.

So I saw my mom...... she isn't doing so well. I can't imagine how she feels... the drugs make her really slow to think as well.. and I didn't see her smile once.

this sux

My mom had her surgery yesterday day. I haven't seen her yet but I am here in St. Charles! The surgery was more of a risk then they let me know! She is ok. But not herself yet!

I walked in my house (no one is here because they are at the hospital)... And I was in the kitchen and on the counter were 6 post-it notes. The first one said "I love you, Rich. Love, Carleen" (rich=dad, carleen=mom). The second one read "I love you, Rick. Love, Mom"........ There was one for Audrey, Me, Ben, and the kid. On Kaityln's it said " Grandma Sparrow" at the end...

They were in case she didn't get to say good-bye.

Right now I cannot express to you how I feel and what is going on in my mind!

I love you, MOM! Love, Breanne

My mom's surgery is tomorrow!!! I am a little on the edge. Mainly because I know SHE is nervous. I am going to head home for Saturday and get back here Sunday. Things seem to being going in slow motion Again....

My auntie Yvonne will be in town and so will my cuz Yvette. So that will be fun
ha.
It is amazing how circumstance bring people together.

Studio is going. I don't think I will ever look on the project fondly. I will most likely block it out.

Oh today I was listening to other peoples' music on i-tunes AND it was really funny because I saw this song and I was like "hey I have that song too..." (not many people have the song on i-tunes.) then there was another one that I have.. I then looked over at the album name.... "Making Me Smile" hmmm.... Yeah That is mine!!! I guess I am not the only one who thinks that is an AWESOME compilation!!!

Last night I bought a bass guitar. I have had it for two years... Well I finally paid for it and now I have the amp on loan. It is a really nice amp... I want to buy it. MAYBE! Oh yeah... :)

Back to the work life.

QD:What would be your dream vacation?

Sometimes I feel like this cat... the orange one!

Rollerblading Rocks!

I had a chance to go rollerblading with my friends: Lacie and Molly! We were having fun. We took some pictures...

...Speaking of those pictures... ::: The shirt, Well... the "concerned students" should enjoy that! Smile!

Things are so much better! Today I installed 3D studio MAX! I am excited about learning more about this program!

I have had a really emotional few weeks... I am really not one to be an excessive crying fool, but I have not really been myself.

Back to reality!

My project could be going better. I should work on that too. Ha...

OH GOOD NEWS: CONGRATs to Jenny and her man!!! It is a gorgeous ring too. I am so excited for you!.. And yes you are special. ;)

.Whish me luck.

Today:

I am headed back to school, which means the good news is my mom is going to be alright for the time being!! She has a Low Grade cancer that is operable. This means that it is not as fatal as first described! The surgery is major. They will be taking out 2/3rds of her pancreas, spleen, and some lymph-nodes (leaving her with a good chance of diabetes). There will be a 10 day stay in the hospital after that and 6 week recovery at home, BUT this should eliminate the Cancer! No Kemo (I don't know how to spell it)... yay! They said the chances of the cancer coming back are low. The road in front of her is going to be ruff, but it is so much better than what she was told at first!

My mom said with a huge smile while we were all sitting eating...
"I never thought I would be so excited about get diabetes, but compared it to death!"

HAPPY EASTER!!!

I am in St. Charles. I arrived about 4 am this morning. I am really tiered, but I am sick too. We went to visit family and I watched the cardinals game (Fun game). They won: 6 to 5. I don't think I ever want to be an umpire... In the game the first basemen plowed into the ump while he was trying to pick up a foul ball. It was quite dramatic.

Well, Tomorrow we are all going into the doctor... I am really nervous. I have Structure to figure out so I am distracting myself with that! WOW... I really am behind in structures. Oh well.

Bye for now.

well... I don't know what to do!

I never thought I would have to deal with worrying about my Dad: My MOM is always there for him... I don't know what is going to happen in the next year or few, but I only hope I can live up to my name.

My Mom is very sick. It came really fast and at this point I don't know how quick or serious it is. She has a cancerous tumor on her pancreas. The surgery to eliminate this evil little thing is not an easy one. On Monday we find out more! I have thought about not going to work (cali) this summer. I don't know as of yet... But I rather this happen to me than her... SHE has worked her fingers to the bone and deserves to enjoy being a grandma.

QD:Why?

Well. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was really depressed. I talked to my mom and she sounded as thought the doctors tortured her. And she could not handle it anymore. We don't find out what this lump is in her stomach is until tomorrow. I know I shouldn't think about the different possibilities, but I cannot stop them running through my head. Over and over and over... I want to just cry...

my project is going well. I enjoy this semester a lot so far as studio goes. I am just a bit distracted right now because of the depression thing. I will get over it....

QD:If beauty is relative HOW would you know if you are really ugly or not?